Am I the only one who thinks that Turducken is the food equivalent of those Russian Babushka dolls? You know the doll that opens up to reveal a seemingly never-ending number of smaller dolls. I am told that it's a great Christmas meal for people with schizophrenic tastes in food.

Who thought it was a good idea to stuff a chicken inside a duck and then stuff that in a turkey? And what do the aforementioned feathered creatures feel about being made into a Frankenstein-like dinner creation?

The more society develops, the more we go backwards. Two decades ago we had Keith Floyd cooking delicious meals in places as diverse as the Arctic and Ulhuru (then Ayers Rock.) Now we have Bear Grylls eating dead lizards, snakes, slugs and any unlucky creature that happens across his survival knife. Watching him stab, cook and eat a tortoise made me long for fine cuisine, such as a stale Engen pie at 3am.

Despite there being amazing advances in food technology, cooking techniques and gadgets that help chefs, we are now at the point where we literally cut and paste meals. I'm told a turducken is a tasty creation, but I don't know if I could eat one. Don't get me wrong, I'm no tree-hugging, lentil-eating, fynbos-smoking vegan who wears tie-dye, but there is something fundamentally wrong with killing off three species of bird for one dinner. They call it the festive season, but it sure ain't festive for members of the Aves family.

Besides, this is South Africa. If it's not grilled over coals hotter than Charlize Theron's buttocks it's not food. Any meal that requires basting, browning or glazing means that you spend less time outside having a cold beer, and is therefore, not food. If you need more than a pair of tongs and a knife so sharp it could even cut through the lies in Shrien Dewani's testimony, it's not food. If you have to inject your meal with some sauce, like it's a heroin addict, it's not food.

Where will it end? Are we one day going to end up with a bird that is five courses rolled into one? Imagine eating a turkey stuffed with salad, sorbet, pretzels, brandy pudding and eggnog? There is only one bigger culinary disaster, and that is any restaurant Gordon Ramsay attempts to run.

Find out more about Shaun's stand-up comedy shows at Gingercomedy.co.za